13) And With a Wish... Happy First Birthday

I think that your child's first birthday is one of the most exciting (maybe that and the 18th!); you've made it through all of the stressful, sleepless months and get to celebrate their birthday for the very first time. Thinking about Weston's first birthday immediately sent my mind into a panic for about 4 months prior. It was incredibly hard to think about, yet I couldn't imagine not thinking about it.

There isn't really a handbook on how to remember a loved one on their birthday. For some people it's sharing memories and for others it's a family dinner or a trip to their graveside. I felt like for a child it had to be different. I conjured up grand plans for my baby's special day so that he would know we were thinking of him and so that everyone could celebrate!

Weston's birthday is one of the reasons that I started this blog. I knew that I wanted Weston to be remembered and celebrated, and that is how the Random Acts of Kindness idea came to be. I wanted to share his story, to help others, and to bring awareness. It still brightens my day when I see a new kind act pop up on the blog or get an email sharing someone's awesome story.

We wanted to do something as a family on his actual birthday. Thanks to a very kind coworker, I was able to take the day off. We decided to have a beach day up in Lake Tahoe, as that has become a special Weston place. Little did we know that Weston had other plans for us! That day turned out to be a cloudy, rainy, snowy, FREEZING day! I'm sure Weston and my grandma had quite the laugh! We had dinner at a fancy restaurant and figured out that we really aren't fancy restaurant kind of people. But nonetheless, the day was perfect. We were able to cry and miss him, and smile and love him. I couldn't have asked for anything else.

The next day, I had planned a birthday BBQ. I had mixed feeling about this from the beginning. It's weird to me to have a birthday party for someone who isn't physically here - I kept thinking, "What are we going to do? Sing Happy Birthday to a cake with no one there!" It felt weird to do something, but it felt even stranger not to. I feel like when there's another child involved, celebrating Weston's birthday is really the only way that Taylee is really going to have memories of or a connection to her brother.

The BBQ turned out to be the best way to celebrate Weston. We had so many good friends and family come by and laugh and smile and have a great day. We said happy birthday to Weston and released balloons into the sky, and it was beautiful and emotional and absolutely perfect.

Lesson #10: